My job centre experience – 2

This is my second experience of my visit to the job centre. After the first visit, people requested that I wrote about my next experience, and here it is.

My rants and thoughts

I had decided to set off early as I knew that all four routes into Hull would be rammed from 9am. I set off at 9.20am and the traffic was relatively calm, however the traffic that was on the roads were arseholes of the smelliest and shittiest nature. I do wish that some fuckers would decide which lane they were choosing and stick to it. Like I said, the roads were not busy so moving from lane to lane was just done, it would seem, to piss me right off.

I finally got to the car park at St Stephens and as I was approaching the stairs (it is after all only one floor up) I saw 6 people waiting at the lift waiting to go down to the shops. Surely their Christmas shopping exploits were not going to use all of their energy that walking down a few steps would take up too much of it. And that is coming from a fat bastard.

I popped into Tesco for a few things, grabbed a basket cos even though I knew it would be full, at least I wouldn’t have to queue with all the other last minute shoppers who need shooting for leaving it so late.

As I walked past all of the trogs queuing, with their faces like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle, I swang my crammed full basket all the way down to the empty ‘basket only’ till. I paid and was out of there in one minute.

After I had deposited my shopping in my car (again walking up and down the stairs) as I did not want to take it into the job centre. After all, someone with a Tesco carrier bag in there would be seen as nobility as would be lynched. It was after I had this thought that I would take two contradicting items into the job centre with me to disorientate and confuse the people who frequent it.

So, after going to the establishments I set off walking to the job centre to sign on for the last time.

However, as I attempted to walk into the job centre with my spiced chai tea latte (which is fucking gorgeous by the way), I was halted and told that I could not take my drink inside and the security guard pointed to the sign on the outside of the automatic doors. When I asked why, he told me that it was in case I threw my coffee (its tea ignoramus) at a staff member.

It was then that I admitted to him that I was breaking two other rules too of the sign on the front door. I had a mint in my coat pocket and I would be taking my mobile phone into the building as (and I know this sounds stupid) but if I left it outside of the building whilst I was inside of it, it may not be there when I got back outside to collect it.

He told me that I was okay with my mint and mobile phone, so I asked why I could not take my TEA inside then. “It’s the rules” he told me as he sheepishly walked away. Well I say he walked, he sort of thumped away from me as those security guards who double as bouncers do whenever they ‘try’ to walk. I finished my TEA and walked back into the job centre and as I walked past the same security guard, I was placing the mint into my mouth with one hand, tweeting on my phone with the other and smiling like the Cheshire cat right at him.

I walked up the stairs (two flights of them this time) as the higher in the alphabet your surname is, the higher up the building you have to walk. I feel this may be a bit of discrimination to the Polish/Eastern European community as they will all have to go to the top floor. Actually, I suspect that the main reason for them marrying English people is so that they only have to walk up one flight of stairs when claiming their benefits.

I went into the floor where I was to sign in but I had forgot to take my signing on book.

“Have you brought your signing on book” the woman asked.

“No, sorry” I replied “but I was so desperate to beat the traffic having to come into town at Christmas shopping week that I have forgotten”.

“Well, you must bring your signing on book otherwise you will not receive your benefits” she told me as she reached into her desk and brought out a slip of paper.

“Just fill this in please and make sure you bring your book in next time okay” she said. I filled in the slip of paper and gave it back to her.

“This is to make sure that you still receive your benefits” she informed me.

“So, I don’t need to bring in my book then” I asked.

“Yes” she replied and looked right at me as the bouncer……sorry, Security Guard behind her began to shuffle.

“but if I do forget to bring it every time, I just need to fill in one of these slips?” I asked.

“Well yes I suppose so” she answered and the pit bull’s…….sorry, Security Guard’s leash slackened again.

“Thank you” I said “but I won’t be here any more as I start my new job in under two weeks” and walked over the the seats that look comfortable but make your arse hurt more than a pelican stabbing at it looking for food (just trust me).

There was only two of us sat waiting to be seen. me and a black gentleman. We both nodded at each other, gesturing and greeting without actually saying a word. As I sat waiting I did not see any flirting, no highlighting of paperwork and someone had actually opened a window. NOW, they were different staff so they were actually good staff or one of the 564 people who read my blog last time either worked there or knows someone who works there and told them about it. I suspected the first instance, that was until I heard a discussion about Christmas knitting patterns. I was about to tweet about it when I heard my name being called out. I looked at the man sat opposite me as he had been there before me and therefore should be next to be seen I would have thought.

As I approached the desk, I shit you not, the woman behind the desk said “I was hoping it was going to be you”.

Why was she glad it was going to be me? Not only are they discriminating to the Eastern European benefit scroungers by making them walk to the top of the building, they were now blatantly discriminating against this other gentleman who had been sat there longer than me and she was ‘GLAD’ to it was me who she was seeing and not him.

He is probably still sat there poor bloke.

I signed another piece of paper that made sure that I received my benefits and left within two minutes of the woman’s obvious racism.

As I walked back down the stairs past the first floor, two people walked out of the double doors and the ‘woman’ was informing the ‘man’ she was with that her benefits had now been halved. He whispered sweet nothings to her by stating “Well we won’t be able to get enough gear this week then”. I exited the building and decided to take the picture of what is prohibited in the job centre and that is when I realised the lengths this government is going to cut benefit fraud. It stated ‘NO DOGS (EXCEPT GUIDE DOGS)’. However on my five visits to the job centre I had seen many of them and the Security Guard had let them slip through too, BUT NOT MY CHAI TEA LATTE!

Things did not improve when I was driving out of the town centre as ALL of the truck drivers were determined to kill someone. One of whom decided to move from the inside lane as it was moving the quickest to then cut across everyone to the fourth lane. What the fuck was he delivering? A time bomb? No I wouldn’t appreciate being cut up even for that. His manoeuvre meant that he was stopped before the traffic lights, diagonally across all four lanes and no-one could get out of the the filter system until that twatbasket had moved.


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